The Power of Saying “No”
How to Prioritize Yourself without Feeling Guilty
As a neurodivergent person, learning to say no can feel like an uphill battle. Whether it’s the fear of upsetting someone or the desire to avoid confrontation, it’s easy to fall into patterns of people-pleasing and masking that leave us exhausted, overwhelmed, and stretched too thin. In this post, I’m going to walk you through the importance of saying no, why it’s so hard, and some practical ways to make it easier to set healthy boundaries—without guilt or anxiety.
Why Saying No Feels so Hard
Saying no is tough, isn’t it? For many of us, especially those who are neurodivergent, it’s tied to deeply ingrained patterns—people-pleasing, masking, and feeling responsible for others’ emotions. I know this struggle personally because learning to say no and being okay with people not liking it has been one of the hardest lessons in my own life. But it’s also been one of the most rewarding.
You Might be Taking Responsibility for Others’ Emotions
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “If they’re upset, I have to make them feel better.” But here’s the truth: while everyone is allowed to have emotions, it’s not your responsibility to fix them. Taking on that role not only exhausts you but also creates an unhealthy dynamic where others start expecting you to carry that emotional load.Clear communication is a two-way street. If someone hasn’t directly told you they’re upset, you don’t have to play detective or assume you’ve done something wrong. And when they do express their feelings, it’s okay to show care without taking on the responsibility of “making it all better.”
The Comfort and Cost of Masking
Masking often feels like a form of self-protection. It can shield us from rejection or conflict, making us feel safer in the moment. But when we rely on masking too often, we can lose sight of our authentic needs. Saying no is one way to pull back the mask and allow vulnerability to strengthen our relationships and our sense of self.Vulnerability might feel scary, but it’s also freeing. When I started practicing saying no, something incredible happened: people began to respect my boundaries. They stopped being surprised or upset because they learned to expect my no to mean no. That trust didn’t happen overnight, but the more I advocated for myself, the more my boundaries became a normal, respected part of my relationships.
Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish
When we hold back our “no” to avoid upsetting someone, we’re often buying into the belief that their wants, needs, or emotions are more important than our own. But that’s just not true. Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.Saying no is a way of giving yourself permission to exist fully and comfortably. It’s a way of saying, “I matter too.” When you consistently prioritize others at the expense of your own well-being, it’s not just exhausting—it’s unsustainable. The more you practice setting boundaries, the more others will come to expect and respect them.
And here’s the beautiful part: when you stop carrying the weight of making others feel better, you free up space to truly care for yourself. That’s not selfish—it’s survival.
Neurodivergence Can Make it Feel Harder
If you're neurodivergent, saying no can feel even more difficult. Whether you're navigating ADHD, Autism, or OCD, our brains are wired in a way that makes us especially sensitive to rejection, conflict, or the emotions of others.
For instance, many neurodivergent individuals struggle with emotional dysregulation, which makes the idea of causing someone to be upset especially uncomfortable. We often fear that if we say no, it’ll lead to conflict, and that conflict can be draining and anxiety-inducing. Our brains might even spiral into worst-case scenarios, imagining how a “no” could lead to the end of a relationship, or the withdrawal of affection, approval, or support.
Learning to accept that it’s okay for others to be disappointed is a crucial part of setting boundaries. In fact, not only is it okay, but it’s also necessary for maintaining healthy relationships—both with others and ourselves.
So How Do You Do It?
How do you make saying no easier? Here are a few practical tips I’ve learned from my own experience as a neurodivergent person and a therapist:
Start Small
If saying no feels overwhelming, start with smaller, lower-stakes situations. This can help you build confidence and experience how others respond. You’ll find that most of the time, people will respect your boundaries and will adjust their expectations accordingly.Use Clear, Direct Language
Keep your response simple and to the point. It doesn’t need to be elaborate or justify your decision—just “No, thank you” or “I can’t do that right now” is enough. The more clear and direct you are, the less room there is for misunderstanding or negotiation. Remember, “No” is a complete sentence!Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves for saying no, but it’s important to remind yourself that you’re doing it to protect your mental health and well-being. You don’t need to feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.Prepare for Pushback
Not everyone will accept your no right away, and that’s okay. Prepare yourself for potential pushback, and know that you have the right to stand firm. Practice your responses in advance if it helps, so you’re not caught off guard. Often, those who are the most upset at us for drawing boundaries, are the people who benefited the most from us not having any.Reinforce Your Boundaries
Over time, you’ll notice that the more consistently you say no, the easier it becomes. Reinforce your boundaries with gentle repetition. If you say no, and someone continues to push, you can simply restate your position: “I’ve already said no, and I need you to respect that.”Seek Support
It can be helpful to talk to others who understand what you’re going through—whether it’s a therapist, support group, or trusted friends. They can remind you that it’s okay to say no and help you work through any guilt or anxiety that comes up.
Embrace the Power of “No”
At the end of the day, saying no is a form of self-respect. It’s about honoring your needs and protecting your mental and emotional space. It’s about taking back your power and saying, “I deserve to have my needs met too.”
Learning to say no isn’t always easy, and it takes practice. But with time, it becomes easier, and you’ll start to notice the shift in your relationships. The more you set boundaries, the more others will come to understand and respect them—and most importantly, the more you’ll understand that you deserve to take up space in the world just as much as anyone else.
By learning to say no, we give ourselves permission to exist fully. And that is one of the most powerful gifts we can give ourselves.
